A Miracle of Marriage Restoration Article No. 8 August 2013
by Fay Bouknight
Mr. and Mrs. James Bouknight
My husband and I were from very different families. It is my opinion that he was brought up in a liberal belief system and I from a more conservative one. We lived away from my family and near his, and thus we attended his church. I did not believe in some of the things his church taught, and I never joined. I was brought up in a strict Christian home. My parents were members of Church of God in its early beginnings and then, The Church of God of Prophecy. I am now a member of The Church of God. I was taught the truth from a very early age. I was saved as a little girl and was baptized by my pastor at approximately ten years of age. I remember the day of my baptism and it was a very serious event to me. I remained saved up until my entering my high school days. I remember the actual day that I backslid.
After high school, I moved away from home and lived with my sister in Columbia, SC. It is there that I met my future husband, James. We fell in love and were married within eight months. Approximately two years later our little daughter, Tracy, was born. She would be the first of three children, two daughters (Tracy and Ashley) and a son (Jamie). At the outset of our marriage, we purchased our own home and became seemingly the perfect little family. Most people would have thought that we had everything going for us. Actually we did, except the most important person was left out of our marriage – God. The very God that instituted marriage from the beginning, we were not serving.
Things began to happen in our marriage not long after we married. I felt my husband was married to his family and not to me. I felt his parents were too controlling of my husband and tried to get too involved in our little family. I felt when they said jump, he would say, how high. There are so many things I could say here but out of respect and privacy, I will not.
Tragedy struck when my husband and our three-year old daughter (Tracy) were coming home from his church, when the brakes gave away at an intersection and caused a horrible accident. Tracy was partially scalped and had more than eighty stitches in her head. The day before the accident, I had driven the car and the brakes had given away with me which I related to my husband. I begged him not to drive the car to church that morning, but he did anyway. He would not listen to me and as a result we almost lost the life of our child. We had a new son (Jamie) and I stayed home with him and did not go to church that morning. Needless to say, this was the worst event of my life. Our little daughter was the light of our lives along with the new baby.
News of this tragedy came with a knock on my door from a brother-in-law. My sister lived on the end of my street and I took Jamie to her for safe keeping while I was taken to the hospital. At this time, I did not know the extent of her injuries because no one would tell me the truth. To make this short, I did find out and it was not good. Tracy’s skull was fractured and was lying on her brain. They could not elevate it for about a week because of the swelling. When they did operate, we were told that she could have brain damage, and other surgeries could take place.
In some ways, I felt that Tracy had died. I really can’t quite explain my helplessness. I remember arriving at the point of just giving up. This was the most hopeless feeling I had ever had in my entire life. Late one night I had called my mother to pray because I felt that if anyone could get a prayer through to God, it would be my mother. I truly felt in my heart that if God did not intervene, my daughter was not going to make it. My daughter was in the hospital for 3 weeks and for 3 weeks except for one night, I was there. They had to make me go home on that one night.
One night while at the hospital, I sat down alone at the top of a somewhat dark stairwell. While in the most heart-felt pain of my life, I bowed my head in a very lowly state, and just sat there. During this time, I slowly realized there was a floating-like voice on the stairwell which was soft but amplified and very audible. It had a heavenly sound to it which actually frightened me somewhat. I realized the voice had been in the background for a while. I could not understand the words because they were not in the English language. I got up and began to walk slowly down the stairs to find the voice. When I did this, the voice floated away. It was no longer there. I thought about it being Jesus, but then said, “Can’t be”. When I doubted, the voice floated away. Today, no one can convince me that this was not Jesus making intersession on my behalf for my daughter. I will believe it until the day I die. You see, He still loved me and cared about me and my family. It’s a wonderful thing to know that even today Jesus still pleads our case when we cannot. The next day, I asked my mother-in-law, who was a registered nurse at this hospital, if anyone ever said anything over the intercom in another language other than English. She had been there for almost twenty years at this time, and she said, no, that she had never heard anything but English spoken over the intercom.
After this experience, I told my husband, we needed to go to the chapel to pray for salvation. We both accepted the Lord and were saved. We both told the Lord we would work for Him. My faith was restored and I knew for the first time that my child would get better. Her Doctors explained to us all the serious things that could happen to our daughter, to include brain damage. However, she experienced none of those things. Today, you cannot tell that she ever went through anything like that. She is a beautiful young lady and is married with two beautiful children (Rossi and Nicolas). Her husband (Tim) is a minister.
We went to church almost every Sunday with our little family and got involved. It was a good life for a while. Unfortunately this is not the end of the story. As time went by, I began to have bad feelings toward my husband because of the accident and felt it could have been avoided had only he listened. I felt my husband had a problem by not listening to his wife in many ways. This all began to play into ill feelings toward him. I grew
more and more unhappy. These circumstances hindered our relationship. My affections for my husband grew cold. We tried marriage counseling. As it turned out, this was a door open to Satan. If anyone would have told me that my marriage would have ended in divorce, I would have told them, “no way.” I was raised to believe in one husband for life. Under no circumstances would I ever have allowed this to happen. Then, we became a statistic. Our marriage had ended. I must add that my husband wanted the marriage to go forward, but Satan had me so bound at this point, it became my decision to move out of the home. I had become so unhappy in my marriage, I felt I could go on no longer, therefore fell right into Satan’s trap he had laid for me. The love I once felt for my husband was gone. Satan actually made me believe that if I left my husband that our children would be better off for it. Oh, how wrong that was.
As the months and years passed by, the disintegration of our marriage took its toll on our children. Life was miserable for them, as well as for us. They were pulled back and forth from my house to his house. Trust me, even under the best of circumstances, this is no way for children to grow up. I learned this the hard way. However, at this time in my life, I wasn’t thinking with a clear head. I was convinced that as long as I was happy, they would be happy. A big mistake to believe this! Unfortunately my husband remarried for 5 years and I almost remarried on two occasions. Oh, how I thank God that He loved me even then and was looking out for me and I didn’t even know it at the time. He definitely had had hands protecting me.
After some years, I became very unhappy and began a strong desire to return to the Lord. Approximately 25 years ago, I fell down on my knees in my
bedroom beside my bed and asked Him to give me another chance at serving Him, to take my life and use it for His glory and that wherever he led I would go. I have not looked back since, except to regret all that had happened. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could undo the wrongs that have been
done? Believe me, from one who learned the hard way, there are many ramifications for our sins, even though God does forgive us. No matter how
long I live, I can never get back those wasted years (approx. 12 of them). I can live in peace knowing the grace of God and His love for me.
I am so thankful that I had parents that were together their entire lives. I am also thankful to have had Christian parents who brought me up knowing what was right and what was wrong. I began to read and search my Bible, and the Holy Ghost showed me in scriptures what my parents had taught
me as a small girl, that I could only have one husband until death parts us. Therefore, I knew remarriage was out for me. I was still a relatively young woman, and Satan tried to convince me that remarriage was acceptable to God. He tried to lure me into another false belief system. But in the end, God won the battle for me. He gave me grace to accept His truth in regard to marriage and I decided to live the rest of my life separated from my husband, if necessary; for I knew to marry another was wrong in the eyes of God. I also knew that the marriage he had with another woman was not a true covenant but a false one. I knew that God did not recognize that marriage, although the world did. His marriage covenant was still with me.
I went back to my roots, and joined a church where I was happy and content. I began a music ministry in my church. Later I started a Christian magazine called Laity and became a teacher. I also gave my time to a juvenile prison ministry. My children, although they grew up in my husband’s church for the most part, began to attend worship services with me. Thank God that no matter where I was in my life, I did instill in them the truth.
Today I have a website magazine entitled “Bible Truth Magazine”. (www.bibletrutmagazine.com).
As more time went by, I began to have dreams about my husband. I said, “Lord, what are you trying to tell me? What is going on? I should not be dreaming about my husband. He is married to someone else. He is happy and I am happy.” However, the dreams became stronger and more intense. I finally determined that these dreams were spiritual dreams sent from heaven. At this point I did not have any romantic feelings for my husband; however, the Lord was working on me to change my heart toward him. The Lord knew something I did not. After a while, I discovered what it was. God changed my heart and instilled within me a desire to have my marriage and family reunited. As a result of these dreams, I began to want my marriage and my family reunited. I even started feeling love for my husband. Oh, what miracles God can do.
God convinced me that it was for a fact going to happen. When I became convinced of God’s plan, I called my daughter, Tracy, to share with her what the Lord was preparing. I simply related to her that her dad and I would be back together soon. At this time her dad was still married to another woman which had lasted approximately 4 to 5 years. Under these circumstances my daughter replied, “Mom, no way.” She really did not believe it could ever happen. Later, however, I found out that this was an unspoken prayer request that she had for a long time. She had been lifting her hand in church for this miracle to take place. However, when she heard that it would happen, she doubted. I explained to her that I did not know
how it would happen, but this was God’s plan. My husband and I had already been apart for approximately eleven years. A miracle was truly in the making.
The Lord had already started preparing my husband for the occasion. Approximately 6 months after I told this to my daughter, my husband separated from the lady he had married. There were a lot of ill feelings between my husband and me. However, God put forgiveness in both of our hearts. Only God can do something like this! Sometime after my husband separated from this lady he and I began to speak again. I remember the first time we had dinner at my house, all three children were present. We were sitting outside, when I noticed my younger daughter, Ashley, hanging out the window taking pictures of us. Can you imagine the happiness they were experiencing? This is an occasion I will never forget. There were many more occasions to come.
My husband and I have now been remarried for approximately 18 years. In God’s eyes that would be 48 years total. We married at 20 and 23. I
can honestly say that we are happier now than we have ever been. Are there still obstacles? Of course, but we both are different. We love the Lord and put Him first and foremost in our marriage. Truly from one who knows, to put Christ first in your marriage, means everything. Take Him out and Satan will work overtime on you.
Our children even after 18 years back together are still healing. I have learned that just because parents may get back together, the scares on those little broken hearts do not readily go away, if ever. It is impossible to go from dysfunctional to functional overnight. It takes a lot of time and a lot of healing for the entire family. God forgives, and we may forgive, but this does not undo those lost years. However, I am thankful that my grandchildren have only known their grandparents as a family. We have four beautiful grandchildren and they are an intricate part of our lives. I think sometimes that my husband and I try to make up for those lost years we missed as a family with our own children by spending more time with our grandchildren.
My family has been healing and growing. My eldest daughter (Tracy) gave me a wonderful gift not too long ago. I don’t know if she even realizes it.
She said, “Mom, sometimes I feel that our family has never been apart.” This was so beautiful to hear because I know that our children also have to have forgiveness in their hearts. Children are so much more forgiving it seems than we adults. They seem to be happy once again. I thank God that he gave our family another chance. I will be forever grateful to my Lord and Savior for what He has done in my family’s life. He is my Savior,
my Father, my Friend, my Comforter, and my all. You see, even though as a sinner, He loved even me. He had a very specific plan for my life.
If you are considering divorce, don’t. Search the word of God. The Holy Ghost will lead you into all truth. He will make you see that it is His will that families stay together. I was selfish. Think of the children. Children are broken into pieces because of broken families. If you do not have children, stay together for His word says you should if possible. I could write so much more on this but not now.
I do know there is a percentage of physical abuse in some families and that separating seems the only answer. If you do need to separate because of an abusive situation, the Bible still says do not marry another while you have a living spouse. Therefore, if you do part, do not marry another.
It is never God’s will for a family to be apart. This goes against the very grain of His beautiful Word. God instituted and ordained marriage for life – until death. I praise Him for the miracle of restoration!
After high school, I moved away from home and lived with my sister in Columbia, SC. It is there that I met my future husband, James. We fell in love and were married within eight months. Approximately two years later our little daughter, Tracy, was born. She would be the first of three children, two daughters (Tracy and Ashley) and a son (Jamie). At the outset of our marriage, we purchased our own home and became seemingly the perfect little family. Most people would have thought that we had everything going for us. Actually we did, except the most important person was left out of our marriage – God. The very God that instituted marriage from the beginning, we were not serving.
Things began to happen in our marriage not long after we married. I felt my husband was married to his family and not to me. I felt his parents were too controlling of my husband and tried to get too involved in our little family. I felt when they said jump, he would say, how high. There are so many things I could say here but out of respect and privacy, I will not.
Tragedy struck when my husband and our three-year old daughter (Tracy) were coming home from his church, when the brakes gave away at an intersection and caused a horrible accident. Tracy was partially scalped and had more than eighty stitches in her head. The day before the accident, I had driven the car and the brakes had given away with me which I related to my husband. I begged him not to drive the car to church that morning, but he did anyway. He would not listen to me and as a result we almost lost the life of our child. We had a new son (Jamie) and I stayed home with him and did not go to church that morning. Needless to say, this was the worst event of my life. Our little daughter was the light of our lives along with the new baby.
News of this tragedy came with a knock on my door from a brother-in-law. My sister lived on the end of my street and I took Jamie to her for safe keeping while I was taken to the hospital. At this time, I did not know the extent of her injuries because no one would tell me the truth. To make this short, I did find out and it was not good. Tracy’s skull was fractured and was lying on her brain. They could not elevate it for about a week because of the swelling. When they did operate, we were told that she could have brain damage, and other surgeries could take place.
In some ways, I felt that Tracy had died. I really can’t quite explain my helplessness. I remember arriving at the point of just giving up. This was the most hopeless feeling I had ever had in my entire life. Late one night I had called my mother to pray because I felt that if anyone could get a prayer through to God, it would be my mother. I truly felt in my heart that if God did not intervene, my daughter was not going to make it. My daughter was in the hospital for 3 weeks and for 3 weeks except for one night, I was there. They had to make me go home on that one night.
One night while at the hospital, I sat down alone at the top of a somewhat dark stairwell. While in the most heart-felt pain of my life, I bowed my head in a very lowly state, and just sat there. During this time, I slowly realized there was a floating-like voice on the stairwell which was soft but amplified and very audible. It had a heavenly sound to it which actually frightened me somewhat. I realized the voice had been in the background for a while. I could not understand the words because they were not in the English language. I got up and began to walk slowly down the stairs to find the voice. When I did this, the voice floated away. It was no longer there. I thought about it being Jesus, but then said, “Can’t be”. When I doubted, the voice floated away. Today, no one can convince me that this was not Jesus making intersession on my behalf for my daughter. I will believe it until the day I die. You see, He still loved me and cared about me and my family. It’s a wonderful thing to know that even today Jesus still pleads our case when we cannot. The next day, I asked my mother-in-law, who was a registered nurse at this hospital, if anyone ever said anything over the intercom in another language other than English. She had been there for almost twenty years at this time, and she said, no, that she had never heard anything but English spoken over the intercom.
After this experience, I told my husband, we needed to go to the chapel to pray for salvation. We both accepted the Lord and were saved. We both told the Lord we would work for Him. My faith was restored and I knew for the first time that my child would get better. Her Doctors explained to us all the serious things that could happen to our daughter, to include brain damage. However, she experienced none of those things. Today, you cannot tell that she ever went through anything like that. She is a beautiful young lady and is married with two beautiful children (Rossi and Nicolas). Her husband (Tim) is a minister.
We went to church almost every Sunday with our little family and got involved. It was a good life for a while. Unfortunately this is not the end of the story. As time went by, I began to have bad feelings toward my husband because of the accident and felt it could have been avoided had only he listened. I felt my husband had a problem by not listening to his wife in many ways. This all began to play into ill feelings toward him. I grew
more and more unhappy. These circumstances hindered our relationship. My affections for my husband grew cold. We tried marriage counseling. As it turned out, this was a door open to Satan. If anyone would have told me that my marriage would have ended in divorce, I would have told them, “no way.” I was raised to believe in one husband for life. Under no circumstances would I ever have allowed this to happen. Then, we became a statistic. Our marriage had ended. I must add that my husband wanted the marriage to go forward, but Satan had me so bound at this point, it became my decision to move out of the home. I had become so unhappy in my marriage, I felt I could go on no longer, therefore fell right into Satan’s trap he had laid for me. The love I once felt for my husband was gone. Satan actually made me believe that if I left my husband that our children would be better off for it. Oh, how wrong that was.
As the months and years passed by, the disintegration of our marriage took its toll on our children. Life was miserable for them, as well as for us. They were pulled back and forth from my house to his house. Trust me, even under the best of circumstances, this is no way for children to grow up. I learned this the hard way. However, at this time in my life, I wasn’t thinking with a clear head. I was convinced that as long as I was happy, they would be happy. A big mistake to believe this! Unfortunately my husband remarried for 5 years and I almost remarried on two occasions. Oh, how I thank God that He loved me even then and was looking out for me and I didn’t even know it at the time. He definitely had had hands protecting me.
After some years, I became very unhappy and began a strong desire to return to the Lord. Approximately 25 years ago, I fell down on my knees in my
bedroom beside my bed and asked Him to give me another chance at serving Him, to take my life and use it for His glory and that wherever he led I would go. I have not looked back since, except to regret all that had happened. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could undo the wrongs that have been
done? Believe me, from one who learned the hard way, there are many ramifications for our sins, even though God does forgive us. No matter how
long I live, I can never get back those wasted years (approx. 12 of them). I can live in peace knowing the grace of God and His love for me.
I am so thankful that I had parents that were together their entire lives. I am also thankful to have had Christian parents who brought me up knowing what was right and what was wrong. I began to read and search my Bible, and the Holy Ghost showed me in scriptures what my parents had taught
me as a small girl, that I could only have one husband until death parts us. Therefore, I knew remarriage was out for me. I was still a relatively young woman, and Satan tried to convince me that remarriage was acceptable to God. He tried to lure me into another false belief system. But in the end, God won the battle for me. He gave me grace to accept His truth in regard to marriage and I decided to live the rest of my life separated from my husband, if necessary; for I knew to marry another was wrong in the eyes of God. I also knew that the marriage he had with another woman was not a true covenant but a false one. I knew that God did not recognize that marriage, although the world did. His marriage covenant was still with me.
I went back to my roots, and joined a church where I was happy and content. I began a music ministry in my church. Later I started a Christian magazine called Laity and became a teacher. I also gave my time to a juvenile prison ministry. My children, although they grew up in my husband’s church for the most part, began to attend worship services with me. Thank God that no matter where I was in my life, I did instill in them the truth.
Today I have a website magazine entitled “Bible Truth Magazine”. (www.bibletrutmagazine.com).
As more time went by, I began to have dreams about my husband. I said, “Lord, what are you trying to tell me? What is going on? I should not be dreaming about my husband. He is married to someone else. He is happy and I am happy.” However, the dreams became stronger and more intense. I finally determined that these dreams were spiritual dreams sent from heaven. At this point I did not have any romantic feelings for my husband; however, the Lord was working on me to change my heart toward him. The Lord knew something I did not. After a while, I discovered what it was. God changed my heart and instilled within me a desire to have my marriage and family reunited. As a result of these dreams, I began to want my marriage and my family reunited. I even started feeling love for my husband. Oh, what miracles God can do.
God convinced me that it was for a fact going to happen. When I became convinced of God’s plan, I called my daughter, Tracy, to share with her what the Lord was preparing. I simply related to her that her dad and I would be back together soon. At this time her dad was still married to another woman which had lasted approximately 4 to 5 years. Under these circumstances my daughter replied, “Mom, no way.” She really did not believe it could ever happen. Later, however, I found out that this was an unspoken prayer request that she had for a long time. She had been lifting her hand in church for this miracle to take place. However, when she heard that it would happen, she doubted. I explained to her that I did not know
how it would happen, but this was God’s plan. My husband and I had already been apart for approximately eleven years. A miracle was truly in the making.
The Lord had already started preparing my husband for the occasion. Approximately 6 months after I told this to my daughter, my husband separated from the lady he had married. There were a lot of ill feelings between my husband and me. However, God put forgiveness in both of our hearts. Only God can do something like this! Sometime after my husband separated from this lady he and I began to speak again. I remember the first time we had dinner at my house, all three children were present. We were sitting outside, when I noticed my younger daughter, Ashley, hanging out the window taking pictures of us. Can you imagine the happiness they were experiencing? This is an occasion I will never forget. There were many more occasions to come.
My husband and I have now been remarried for approximately 18 years. In God’s eyes that would be 48 years total. We married at 20 and 23. I
can honestly say that we are happier now than we have ever been. Are there still obstacles? Of course, but we both are different. We love the Lord and put Him first and foremost in our marriage. Truly from one who knows, to put Christ first in your marriage, means everything. Take Him out and Satan will work overtime on you.
Our children even after 18 years back together are still healing. I have learned that just because parents may get back together, the scares on those little broken hearts do not readily go away, if ever. It is impossible to go from dysfunctional to functional overnight. It takes a lot of time and a lot of healing for the entire family. God forgives, and we may forgive, but this does not undo those lost years. However, I am thankful that my grandchildren have only known their grandparents as a family. We have four beautiful grandchildren and they are an intricate part of our lives. I think sometimes that my husband and I try to make up for those lost years we missed as a family with our own children by spending more time with our grandchildren.
My family has been healing and growing. My eldest daughter (Tracy) gave me a wonderful gift not too long ago. I don’t know if she even realizes it.
She said, “Mom, sometimes I feel that our family has never been apart.” This was so beautiful to hear because I know that our children also have to have forgiveness in their hearts. Children are so much more forgiving it seems than we adults. They seem to be happy once again. I thank God that he gave our family another chance. I will be forever grateful to my Lord and Savior for what He has done in my family’s life. He is my Savior,
my Father, my Friend, my Comforter, and my all. You see, even though as a sinner, He loved even me. He had a very specific plan for my life.
If you are considering divorce, don’t. Search the word of God. The Holy Ghost will lead you into all truth. He will make you see that it is His will that families stay together. I was selfish. Think of the children. Children are broken into pieces because of broken families. If you do not have children, stay together for His word says you should if possible. I could write so much more on this but not now.
I do know there is a percentage of physical abuse in some families and that separating seems the only answer. If you do need to separate because of an abusive situation, the Bible still says do not marry another while you have a living spouse. Therefore, if you do part, do not marry another.
It is never God’s will for a family to be apart. This goes against the very grain of His beautiful Word. God instituted and ordained marriage for life – until death. I praise Him for the miracle of restoration!
